Bold - Translation.
Italics - My comments/notes.
Underlined - Untranslated English that Miyavi wrote himself.

Original entry here.

---

08/5/20 (火)

最近ブログばっかだから
たまにはこっちに書こうかな。

(Recently, I've only been blogging [in the Kavki Boys staff blog] so once in a while I should write here I guess.)

It's 6 in the morning here. After this I'm going to shower and get some breakfast, then it's time to go to Chile.

What I realised after the end of the US performances was,

"I wasn't mistaken."

Honestly, I was worried the whole time. I kept thinking about everything even until just before I left for the tour.

I was scared.

Is this,
just my way of satisfying myself?
something selfish?
just about my ego?

But, that wasn't the case.

I can clearly say, "That wasn't the case."

(1) I'm not sure what he means by this line so I won't translate it, sorry. ^_^;;.
It's my way of "turning to face my fans and be with them through music".

Sorry for everything so far.

Haha, for some reason I'm starting to cry.. (laughs)

Ah, today is the day I leave so I guess that's okay.

Ah-

I'm typing while sobbing. (laughs)

What's going on here?!

A 26-year-old (age is just what you see on the surface) guy (3)
At 6 in the morning in San Francisco
Alone in the hotel
Crying while typing in his blog is too much like a picture. (4)

..I can't stop [crying]!

Ah, nevermind, let's continue.

Ever since Due le quartz (the band I was in when I first came to Tokyo) disbanded, the expressions on the faces of the fans and what they said at that time are still stuck in my head.

Of course, the decision to disband was made together with all the members through discussing how "each of us should think of our own future and ensure that our future faces forward". Through our tears, together we managed to cut ties with our memories and affection for each other and were able to move forward one step but, (5)

"How should I carry on with life from now on?"
"My aspirations and goals in life are gone."
"I think I'm gonna die."

That's what I thought at the time.

This is wrong.
I can't give in to thoughts like that.
This is not the way things are supposed to be.. (6)

I'm human just like everyone else.
When I brush my teeth, I go to the toilet too.

Someday, I might not be able to make music anymore,
Or I could die suddenly.

I'm really sorry, for saying things like this.
But no matter how much of a rock star I pretend to be, we're all human. (7)

So it's normal that these kind of days will come.

So, if, for example, by any chance, at that kind of time, I really hope (not so much as a musician to his fans but as one person to another) that you definitely will not give in to those kind of thoughts. I really thought about this.

And thought,
and thought,
and maybe I thought too much?

Somehow there is still something that prevents me from connecting directly to fans.

What is it..?

I can't comfort them. (8)

I thought I just can't do it.

But I was wrong.

It isn't that.
It isnt that.

The important thing is not "being close enough so they do not feel like that" but "at the time they feel like that, our connection can overcome it." (9)

I keep talking about sad things, sorry.

Of course, from now on, I will gradually break through and destroy the barriers and confines of a genre, through my own samurai style of killing and make sure that it [neo visualizm] has a special place next to the rest.

So now I say it with all my heart,

i love u

.. Haha, this picture is really getting surreal! (laughs) (10)


Somewhere around the middle, I lost track of what I was saying, but anyway I'm giving it my all.

Ah crap, I gotta go.

I'm leaving.
Everyone in Chile, wait for me!

One more thing, recently I've been writing occasionally in my official myspace blog, so check it out.
Bye, I love you.

much respect

From San Francisco to the whole world, I send my love.

／myv

---

(1) Didn't translate the line that is supposed to be there.
(2) I'm not quite sure what he means by "対する向き合い方" but I think he was trying to convey the feeling of reaching out and being with his fans through music. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
(3) He implies that he only looks 26 but doesn't act his age.
(4) When he says "picture" what he means that it's almost like a posed picture or a scripted scene.
(5) After the word tears he also uses the word "hanamizu" which basically means... snot. Which spoils the the whole sentence when translated so I decided not to include it.
(6) He uses the word "関係性", which I have not come across before and do not entirely understand.
(7) By pretend, he means the kind of rock star air that he puts on.
(8) 優しく出来なかった - Again, the meaning of this line is lost a bit in translation. He uses the word "yasashiku" which is something like gentle but with a lot more warm and fuzzy connotations.
(9) This line and the line after it, I find really difficult to translate. I think what he's trying to say is that he can't prevent his fans from feeling down but he can have a connection with them that lifts them up when they feel down. Sort of like, he can be their support through tough times.
(10) Referring to his use of the word picture when he was talking about crying in the hotel room (4), he means that what he's saying seems more and more scripted. But he's sincere of course.

This was a difficult entry to translate, not only because it was way long, but also because a lot of the things he's trying to convey in the post just don't come through in English. Especially that part about Due le quartz, all those long sentences. T__T